March 19, 2010 in Philosophy, Socialization, Strategy
We’ve all been had human interaction where we feel that we aren’t getting our point across. It is one of the most annoying feelings to feel you’re not being heard, or skipped over for no particular reason. Here are a few tips that I use, on a daily basis, to have deep, meaningful, human interactions.
1. Listen First, Speak Later
If you aren’t listening to them, you have no clue where the conversation is going. If you don’t know where the conversation is headed, you don’t have a clue what you should say. You should hold your words back and carefully sculpt them to what is being said, that way you give credence to what the person is saying, even if you don’t agree with them.
2. Be Happy, Be Calm
You should never get upset in a conversation, because you will become short-sighted. If you become short-sighted you end up risking killing the conversation, or even worse destroying the relationship you have with the person. One thing I do, when I do get aggravated, is I pause the conversation. On the internet, I take a stroll through the house, before going back. In real-time interactions, such as over the phone or in person, I ask them to excuse me, to do something important or use the restroom.
3. Be Responsible
With great power, comes great responsibility. In a world that treasures the passing of knowledge, you wield the greatest power of all, your words. You should take try your best in making sure that what you say is accurate, and not offensive. If you do misspeak make sure that you remedy it, which leads to the next point.
4. Apologize Quickly
An apology might not right every wrong, but it shows that you understand you made a mistake. It is not an excuse to try to get people off your back, if you use it this way, you’re not being sincere. To truly apologize, you first have to state that you are sorry, then show proof that you understand why you wrong.
5. Be Accepting
Always be willing to accept someone’s ideas, even those you might not agree with. Being open to new ideas only leads to a more open and intellectually satisfying discussion. Acceptance is the first step in understanding something new.
6. Be Understanding
Once you have accepted external views, your next task is to step into the person’s shoes, as best you can, and attempt to understand what they are saying. Understanding what someone says makes you much more inviting to converse with, even if after understanding you point out where they have erred, which hopefully is reciprocated.
7. Offer Help
If someone is having a problem, that you can possibly help with, offer your assistance. In offering assistance, you have very little to lose, and much to gain, a new best friend, possibly. I’ve been through this cycle many times, and have made some very good friends by helping them when they needed it.
Here are a few bonus tips for interacting in the physical world.
Smile
The best way to lighten the mood is to smile, you let everyone know that you enjoy their company. A smile is also a very attractive thing that can make you, and your ideas more appealing. This is the same as an apology, however, and if you aren’t sincere it’s not hard to figure it out, though it might take a bit longer with a smile.
Eye Contact
Eye contact is a great way to show that you are engaged with what the person has to say, and that you aren’t just shrugging off what they say. A few tips on eye contact, don’t stare, and occasionally break contact, for 1-2 seconds, to observe your surroundings.
September 25, 2009 in Philosophy, Pragmatism, Spirituality
The past few months have been like a riptide for me, every time I pop back above the surface I’m further out, and getting pushed right back under. I’ve lost friends, I’ve somehow managed to walk away from death, and I’ve lost my job. The thing is in life those things matter, but they happened in the past, they will effect how I act in the future, but I shouldn’t have to wait for these to occur to figure out I needed to change.
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May 20, 2009 in Philosophy, Pragmatism, Spirituality
*Rough post and unlikely to be modified do to the time, and realizing I don’t have the answer. This is a set of recent realizations, some personal, in their rough form, take of it what you will.
Time is itself immutable, and, yet, it is the essence of all mutability
Last week, I spent time with family after the loss of my cousin. Over the week I spent time with relatives and family friends talking about memories and all the time we have sacrificed without a second thought. One of the conversations was with my aunt, about my relationship to my estranged father and how there isn’t much time left. I’m still not sure what I’m doing with my life, but this past week has been a wake up call, I need to get rid of all the hindrances in it that are wasting time.
Time is the stitching that holds billions of scattered, unconnected, snapshots together to create the ever rippling fabric of life.
The single reason for wasting time, accidents and traffic not withstanding, is our throwing mental barriers up to avoid certain situations or people. I noticed this after talking with my aunt about my dad. The only reason I’m estranged from him is because of my half-siblings, his wife, and the way she treats him. I can’t stand them so I avoid them, along with him, unfortunately, I care about him and know all to well the this recent funeral could have easily been his. I’ve seen him maybe two hours in total since New Year ’08 and that’s not enough time to spend with someone you care about, no matter how you feel about them or the people they surround themselves with. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do to repair this situation, but I don’t have much time because noone expects another 5 years out of him.
“Truly successful decision making relies on a balance between deliberate and instinctive thinking.” ~ Malcolm Gladwell
I notice myself being less and less reliable on listening to my instinct and find my self deliberating on things far to much. I think we all need a good kick in the ass to get us to realize we don’t have time to waste analyzing all the data, it just takes to long. We have to learn when we come across a sunk cost and how to keep from wasting anymore time on it. I think I’m just going to stop thinking about stuff.
“Time is like money.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
This is the truth and the fact is that you can spend both rationally, or you can waste them on frivolous affairs. The best form of management with either is to think ahead and budget how you’re going to use them, but always remember to leave a little extra for fun and pleasurable things. The one major difference between the two is that you can always earn more money without spending it, but with time your always spending it and your never going to get more.
The best way to get more out of life is too enjoy the time you have.
May 12, 2009 in Philosophy, Spirituality
Since October 10th, I’ve been using Twitter to try and lift people up, after the large amount of fear being spread by the media. As of right now I’m putting this idea in the freeze, as I’ve just begun copying and pasting and not thinking. This is the last of them but if you’d like to follow me for when I do randomly spit one out, you can find me at @jimminy. Also if, you’d like a great resource that I used for several months, Habit Is A Cable…
“Our life is frittered away by detail … simplify, simplify.’ ~ Henry David Thoreau
“The value of an idea lies in the using of it.” ~ Thomas Edison
“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” ~ Vincent van Gogh
“A true friend sees the good in everything, and brings out the best in the worst of things.” ~ Sasha Azevedo
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” ~ Buddha
“It just seems natural. You and me against the world.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk
“Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.” ~ Cicero
“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” ~ W. M. Lewis
“All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon the sand.” ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox
“The mind is like the stomach. It’s not how much you put into it, but how much it digests.” ~ Albert Jay Nock
“Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.” ~ Steve Jobs
“Thought makes the whole dignity of man; therefore endeavor to think well, that is the only morality.” ~ Blaise Pascal
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” ~ Douglas Adams
“Having wonderful people in your life is the ONLY oxygen we need” ~Gary Vaynerchuk
“I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received” ~ Antonio Porchia
“Don’t walk in front of me I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus
“All of life is a risk; in fact we’re not going to get out alive. Casualness leads to casualties. Communication is the ability to affect other people with words.” ~ Jim Rohn
“The law of love could be best understood and learned through little children” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
“Economy is half the battle of life. It is not so hard to earn money as to spend it well.” ~ Charles H. Spurgeon
“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” ~ Tennessee Williams
April 23, 2009 in Business, Philosophy, Pragmatism, Socialization
No one is too small to make a difference, they just might be too small to do it by themselves. If you can get a few big dogs in to help you out that’s great, but the problem with them is that they can’t be everywhere and help you all the time, look for someone smaller. Turn to the rats to help you out, they are plentiful and will be eager to help you for next to nothing as long as you provide something that makes them happy.
That was the realization I had watching Wanted, when Wesley releases the rats into the mill. He provides them with peanut butter, albeit laced with gasoline, in order to have them help in his mission. Several dozen dogs couldn’t have presented him with the return that he received for the hundreds of rats that went out to return his favor. So maybe you should follow his lead and seek the little guys that want you to help them out, not the big guys that you want help from. How do you think they got big, they helped the little guy out, and he let his friends know about it.
Look at how the successful social-networks grew. They all start with a small focused market, Myspace with Musicians, Facebook with College Students, Twitter with texting and the Early Adopter. Each of these small markets had one huge thing in common, they were set in a location where they could expand to the general population, Myspace to fans, Facebook to older Alum and the general public, Twitter to marketers and people looking for an audience. Then they expanded to the mainstream audiences through word of mouth and the necessity for people to have friends on the network to interact with.
They did 3 things and they did them well.
- They decided on a market.
- They expanded their market into a natural evolution of the original Market.
- The focused on the large groups, of small people, to help spread the message, not small groups, of big guys.
Far too many people have the wrong perspective. They seek to become a giant by standing on the shoulders of other giants, rather than building a self sufficient community that helps each other rise up to the sky. I’m going to show you a perspective variation of the King’s Chessboard, a parable in which a king offers a peasant a payment for his services, the peasant simply asks that the king give him double the amount of rice that he gave the day before, until he has covered each square on a chessboard, starting with one grain of rice. The king soon realizes that he can’t honor this payment as it’s too much for the kingdoms granary.
In my variation, I’ll have the king offering 2 different rewards to the peasant, he can receive 1 billion grains of rice each day until each square has been covered, or he can take the option from the original story of 1 grain of rice and have it doubled everyday for each square. Most people would be blinded by the large sum that they are told they will receive each day and wouldn’t quantify the fact they will actually lose a large sum by taking the larger initial choice. In fact, you will receive only ~.0000007% of the total had they chosen the doubling.
So remember, sometimes it’s better to go with the small people and to take time for the little things in life. They will pay off much more in the long term than always trying to do something that involves the major points in of focus. Take your time and if someone needs help don’t be greedy go and help them you never know the power to change your life they might have.
