Relationship Tectonics

I mostly secluded myself for a month or so towards the beginning of the year, and have yet to fully unravel from that. What I have noticed is when I did start it though, there was a very distinct shift in the relationships I have. For years, my closest friends have existed on the other side of a monitor for the most part. As I’ve come back to the social world, I’ve reconnected with old friends and acquaintances¬† that I hadn’t spoken to in at least a half-dozen years.

This shift is interesting to me, and something else I noticed is the network of how I discovered people. Most of the people I know stem from a few choices I made years ago: joining Triiibes in ’08 led to joining Twitter and Ustream in ’08, which eventually led to numerous friendships spawned by mutual relations. Some of those people have remained close, and will remain close, even as things shift about; others drift out of sight.

Unfortunately, the biggest effect that I’ve noticed in the wake of my seclusion is that I became somewhat colder to those I continue to interact with. Even when I absolutely adore them, I just don’t feel that I can positively reach out to them. Sometimes it’s just that I don’t know how anymore. I feel I’ve forgotten part of what made it special, and yet I’ll never forget them.

So if you’re reading this and feel that we haven’t spoken in a while or that I haven’t been as positive as you wish; I do apologize, and do know that I still care. I am currently making some personal changes that will continue to make it hard for me to be more open, or even as open as I once was. I needed to get this off my chest, as the weight of feeling this way was one of the hindrances standing in my way of being more open.