I’ve been thinking about a lot about where I’m heading  — nowhere. Here I am, 21, another year older — yet, again — and nothing has changed. How can you spend 365 days and nothing to show for it?

It seems to me, that I need to figure out how to figure out what specifically I enjoy, and focus upon it. I don’t know what I like, I’m not the same colorful boy I used to be, at some point I’ve gone gray. Everyday is the same, nothing changes, it’s the same stories, the same fights,and the same discussions; the only thing that is different is the characters.

I’ve been blogging for just over four years, July 27, 2006. I’ve been writing stuff on The Innovationist, for almost two and a half, March 11, 2008. Finally, reaching my 100th post — this is it — and realizing that my spirit died about a year ago. I’m not passionate about what I write here anymore, the majority of posts in 2010 have been about me.

I never meant for this to be about me, I meant for it to be about the ideas; about the thoughts; about the change. Social media, that requires quick, stirring remarks, and rewards open-ended, low-intellect hype, to promote discussion and other forms of interaction, has proven less than productive, but plenty entertaining. This doesn’t mean that I think the people weren’t worth it, quite the contrary, but it does mean I think I need to cut back. I need to go back to what I was focused on originally, when I had momentum in my life.

I need to step back into the real world, as last night showed me. I had the best time at an impromptu HS reunion. We all graduated in ’07 and have gone separate directions in those 3 years, not that we were the closest of friends, which made it even more like a reunion. We walk our own paths, but somehow managed to come back around to the same places. I’ll always have the memories, but I need to make more.

So I had a nice Father’s Day chat, with one of my dad’s best friends, about life, regret, and father-son relationships. This is my attempt to reassemble and preserve the quotes from that discussion. I won’t expound on the messages that I received, because they are meaningful in interpretation.

Regret is an after-thought, it won’t help you change the decisions you made; just walk away from it.

Anybody who knows what they want to be is lying.

You’ve got brains, and you have a thumb.

Today, you’re twenty. Tomorrow you’ll be thirty, and the next day you’ll be forty.

I’ve also had talks with my Aunt and Grandmother, more recently, about various life topics, and here are some of the things I’ve walked away from in those conversations.

The person you have to provide for, first and foremost, is yourself and your children.

No one understands, your sentimental values, unless they experienced or know why there is sentimental value.

You have to live for you, you can’t always take care of others; the stress will kill you. Make it a goal to get away and have periods of enjoyment, even if only short.

Things can change in a heartbeat, for better and worse, but we’ll get by, and we’ll be there in times of need.

You can bend, and you can break, but never fake.

On a closing note, things are looking ok for now, compared to a few months ago. I have a temporary job, and working on several design projects, so financially, I’m stable, or near so. I’m doing fine physically, and looking at going back to school, though I hate to say it.

I hope that everyone who reads this is doing fine, and enjoying life, as that seems to be the key.

Resolutions never turn out successful for me so I’m going to make 10 and hope for a 70% completion by December 31, 2010.

10. Build up my portfolio, while I’m unemployed.

It’s time I start building the base for where I plan on going. If you don’t have the foundation constructed first, everything you build will crumble or be extremely unmaintainable.

9. Find a Job

I’ve been looking even for the most basic job, just to bring money in, to know avail. May start doubling down on this, but at this point I’m stuck were I am, and the job market here is dead.

8. Go back to school

This is one I’m tempted to forget about automatically, but I’ll give it another shot in the fall if something has set itself up by then.

7. Set up a blog on Education

It’s one of the things that always gets me going.

6. Write a text on the Failure of the US Government

I want to see a future, and the actions of the government for the most part since before I was born is working to destroy the country. The infrastructure is failing and preparing to head off the cliff.

5. Post here at least once a week

I need to keep my writing fresh, active discussion keeps the mind fresh.

4. Open back up to the Social Media World

I used to be everywhere, but the past 8 months it’s been predominantly FriendFeed. I plan on moving back out to Twitter, Digg, Stumbleupon, and new sites.

3. Comment Natively

I rarely comment on posts I read, especially on the smaller blogs I read. I want to change this, because I know how much it sucks

2. Release My Product & Maintain it

This one’s guaranteed, it’s just a matter of making sure I maintain it and build the application tree out in a maintainable fashion.

1. Keep on Learning

The number one thing on my list every year, an idle mind is a wasted mind. I want to learn and become fluent in at least 6 different things.

Yes, the blog has become stagnant and has had only 2 posts in 3 months, and I understand the concerns this raises. I had a close relative die at the beginning of May and spiraled into a comfortably numb state that I didn’t feel like nor was able to come out of it for a few weeks. As I worked my way out of this depression I began interacting and having meaningful conversations over on Friendfeed and began a lot of my time there. By Mid-July, I was nearly back to normal(as close as can be expected) and had begin writing a few posts again and had planned to start posting again at the beginning of the month. Unfortunately, I lost a friend on the 26th and fell back into the depression and haven’t really felt like finishing a lot of the drafts I have sitting around.

I’ll begin posting regularly on Monday, August 17th and as of right now I’m going to be posting every Monday. Currently, I have enough to last a little over 2 months, but I will be adding more time sensitive material along the course. I also plan an update to the site, which will come with a more frequent feed of interesting stories, images, and videos separate from the main feed. For right now, I just want to let you know that I will be back posting on a regular basis, along with some irregularly scheduled content.