As I begin my decent down the side of the winding mountain road, the air is frigid and the world silent. This night is young and shall welcome emotion all along the way; let it be fear, love, the search for something more, or just serenity. I have left my home on a voyage seeking something unknown for an unknown reason, but tonight my feet shall carry me.
As I walk through this frigid world, I have nothing to distract me from what is inside. I open myself up to everything that enters my mind. I am only on this journey for the pleasure that may wait on the other end. As I reach the bottom of the mountain, the lights begin to grow dim from the world above. I have a strong sense of fear growing over me as I don’t know what awaits around the next turn, could be nothing, could be pain. I hear a river rippling off in the distance and walk towards it, because I know it will be my guide through the night. My only friend, the only sound in the dark, it leads me along yet never fails me. This shall go on for multiple hours, tonight.
After about two hours, my mind begins to wander, “What have I done?”, “Why are you doing this?”, “What do you seek that is this important?” My answer to the first is a triviality, because there is no turning back from here, not now. I can only assume that I have to do this for my fear or for the fact of my own humanity. ” What do you seek that is this important,” how do you answer, so many possible things. This is when I come to realize I have lost myself in society. We have no knowledge of what it is to be free from everything, no one to bother you, nothing to distract you, just the open mind that you find filling your body with brash feelings.
The mind shall fill you full of hope, even when there is none. The mind shall fill you full of the memories of love, even if they be only memories. The mind shall fill you with dreams and delusions, even if they can never come true. Some dreams can come true; all they require is a steady will and a challenge for it. Your will can get you over the obstacles in life, if you allow it.
This is the challenge that I face, and is one I cannot do without in my life; the challenge of understanding me and what I want from life. I realized then that all I ever wanted was to take care of everyone that I care for. I cannot do this in my current state so I will have to apply everything to make this work. I have to force my way through life, ambition will get me there but only if I am wise enough to know how to control it.